In the beginning of March 2021, I somehow sensed something wrong with my body, but I didn’t know what it was. I only felt that some ominous event was about to happen. My body started to get tired, then losing the sense of taste, and my appetite was ebbing. I felt something was coming, but I couldn’t know when and what it was going to be. But it was coming! The wind blows where it wishes. You hear the sound of it, but you don't know where it comes from or where it goes!
On March 5th, my wife began to realize that the situation was serious as my walking became unstable. So she called the health department. The nurse asked me patiently about my physical condition, and then told my wife to take me to the the hospital Emergency immediately. I might have a minor stroke, but it might also be a major one. So my wife hurriedly called our daughter to drive me to the hospital ER. The medical staff in ER were very professional, and they conducted a detailed investigation of my conditions. They gave me a series of tests, including brain CT scan, blood draws, and X-rays. Throughout the time, several nurses comforted me and tried to make me comfortable. I was at a loss and didn't know what was going on, I just felt that the wind was blowing. I asked subconsciously, God! Where are you? Then, suddenly I noticed there were a few angels surrounding me. I began to realize that I was about to embark on an unknown spiritual journey. Fortunately, there were little angels sent by God to walk with me.
After tossing for several hours, in the early morning of the 6th, a doctor came and told me the good news that I did not have a stroke, but I contracted pneumonia, and it was coronavirus pneumonia! My right lung was infected and inflamed. Stay in hospital for treatment. It was a bolt from the blue! I never thought I would contract coronavirus pneumonia. The strange thing was that my wife was not infected. I was the only person among the people around me who was infected. I asked, why me? Why me?
The doctor ordered the nurse to send me to the CoVid Medical Ward. In the ward, I was officially a patient. In fact, this was the first time in my life that I was admitted to a hospital. I had never stayed in a hospital for one night in my 72 years. Someone asked me, weren’t you born in a hospital? No, I was born in a traditional Chinese maternity hostel. On arriving the ward, the first thing the nurse did was to take off all my clothes and put a patient's gown on me. This was the first time in my life that I faced a stranger naked. I had no ability to resist. I lay on the bed like a newborn baby, at the mercy of others. The nurses started to give me various tests, drawing blood for tests, and intravenous injections. My hands and arms were jabbed with tubes. A nurse put me on a ventilator. A strong burst of oxygen was blown into my nose. This was the strongest sense of powerlessness that I had ever experienced in my life!
In a consultancy course on “Empathy”, I taught about humility and how should one humble oneself. At this moment, I truly realized what total humility, total obedience, and total letting go meant. Facing my own complete powerlessness, I have to let go of myself. Silently, I asked God, where are you? Why should I learn this subject of humility? I didn’t hear a response, but felt the wind blowing. I sensed that there were two gentle hands on my body, two nurses were taking care of me, trying to make me as comfortable as possible. I realized that angels had been sent by God and they would walk with me. I also began to realize that before me might be the valley of the shadow of death, but I was convinced that there would be angels walking with me.
In the morning of March 7, the doctor visited me. Seeing my conditions, he anxiously ordered the nurse to send me to the Intensive Care Unit (ICU) immediately. I learned afterwards that when the doctor sent me to the ICU, my condition was extremely bad. My blood oxygen concentration was dangerously low and my lung function was very weak. Basically, I couldn't breathe on my own. I had to rely on a respirator to help me breathe 100%. I had a fever and were trembling constantly. Later on, I was told that had I not gone to ER on March 5th, my life would have been in danger that night. In the ICU, I saw more instruments, and my hands were connected to more tubes; followed by more tests, intravenous injections, blood draws, and X-rays. I was then connected to the ventilator. Strong oxygen blown into my nostrils, straight into my lungs. I was lying in bed immobile, naked, like a newborn baby, completely powerless! The first time I truly had to let go - Let go! I realized that I am deeper into this unknown journey through the valley of the shadow of death! Then at that very moment, a voice talked to me. It was a nurse by my bedside. She told me that she was Indonesian, but could speak and understand Cantonese. She asked me if I were a Christian. She was also a Christian, attending a Hakka language church. She was about to get off work, and would continue to pray for me. Her calming words consoled me. I knew that she was an angel sent by God to remind me of my status as a Christian and prepare me to take on the journey ahead.
I was moving in the valley of the shadow of death, fighting the virus with my own struggles to breathe. At that very moment, text messages of prayers for me came from my mobile phone like snowflakes. My wife also texted me, with loving messages that there were more than two hundred brothers and sisters in Toronto praying for me. Text messages of prayer kept coming like snowflakes from Hong Kong, Malaysia, and Vancouver. I deeply felt the power of prayers revolving in the air that I had never experienced before. The voice of prayer, like the singing of angels, continued to circle in the air. I could not see God, but I deeply felt His presence. The voice of prayer encouraged me, and accompanied me step by step on the path in the valley of the shadow of death. The Lord infused me with His spirit! He raised me up! He allowed me to lift up my eyes to the mountains and calm the waves on the rough sea in the valley of the shadow of death. I was on this path for three days.
On the 10th of March, I left the ICU, leaving the valley of the shadow of death. God had sent his angels to walk with me. There were nurses taking good care of me, sisters in Christ bringing me nutritious food and daily necessities to make me feel good.
On March 12th, I left the hospital and return home to recuperate. The angels of God were still by my side, continuing to provide me with flowers, nutritious food and comforting words from my friends, brothers and sisters in Christ.
Looking back on the seven days in the hospital, I had walked a long spiritual journey. A journey that one has to walk by oneself. But God has sent angels to take care of me on the way. During my three days in ICU, I plodded along, step by step. God did not take me by the hand, nor did he carry me on His back over the roughest path as described in the poem “Footprints". He sent His angels to walk with me, inspiring me with songs of prayer!
After I was discharged from the hospital, a friend working in a hospital told me that it was a miracle that I survived the dangerous moments in the ICU. Throughout this spiritual journey, I deeply felt the gracious presence of God. I still can't find answers to some questions. Why did this happen? Why did you choose me? But these are not important now. I had experienced the infinite grace of God. Just as Job said: "I used to hear about you, but now I see you with my own eyes." May all the glory and praise go to our Lord and Saviour!
Comments